One Classy Lady

Like most Filipinos, I watched the tributes, the coverage of her wake, the eulogy and the touching speeches, and her funeral procession. Cory's death was saddening, but at the same time, it was inspiring to see so many Filipinos uniting as a nation, honoring the very symbol of the democracy that we enjoy today. No one else in our recent history has contributed as much as Cory and her late great husband Ninoy did, and I'm glad that so many Filipinos are actually recognizing that fact. I wasn't born yet when Ninoy was assassinated, and I wasn't even 1 year old yet when the People Power revolution happened, yet I still live my days inspired by them, by what they stood for, by what they did. That's how powerful ideals are. And I'm happy to see that those ideals are not dead in the hearts of my countrymen.

I hope that a year, a decade, a century from now, we still feel the same intensity, the same spirit of unity, the same love and pride for country, the same desire for positive change and need for great leadership and governance that we felt last week, as we honored President Cory. May she rest in peace, and may our nation move forward steadily, strongly, with her as an inspiration.



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Now playing: Adele - Hometown Glory (Live)
via FoxyTunes

That Box Is Now Empty

I just got my new (work) laptop last week. So far, everything is going well, except for the part where I can't send or receive emails on my Outlook. It's really annoying me big time.

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It's been raining pretty much the whole night.

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Did you know that Ping Lacson blogs? It's kind of interesting. I wonder if it's actually him who writes on it or just a really smart intern. He posted the transcript of his privilege speech on his blog and I just found it hilarious that the / and // are still there to denote the short and long pauses.

You'd think the intern would remember to remove them before clicking "PUBLISH POST"

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I'm hungry. And there's no ready-to-eat food in my ref or anywhere in my kitchen for that matter. Damn it. I said in my previous post that I brought home one box of Royce' Dark Chocolate. Well, the problem is it was just one box and that box is now empty.

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Funny thing. Last Friday marked my 3rd year working for my company. It's also the only company I've ever worked for after I graduated from college. I didn't think I'd be so loyal, but I apparently am. Funny thing about loyalty, is there's usually an underlying reason that motivates it. Money, comfort, contentment, safety and security. Actual happiness. Or actual laziness that prevents you from searching for a better replacement. Funny, that.


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Now playing: Radiohead - Street Spirit
via FoxyTunes

Made of Awesome

I've been back in Manila for more than a week now, but I just haven't found the time to write about my insanely awesome 8 days of travel around Southeast Asia. Good thing Ish made this kick ass video chronicling our SEA Backpacking trip.

Seriously, just watching this video makes me excited all over again. I can't wait to pack my bags and travel again. Walking around bustling cities and amusing small towns, seeing all kinds of amazing sights and sceneries, meeting both the most gracious and the most (endearingly) enterprising kinds of people, experiencing different cultures and thinking about how similar and different it is to my own, tasting authentic cuisines and the exquisite local fare...

That is why I love traveling. That trip was just made of awesome. I can't wait for the next one!


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Now playing: Mogwai - We're No Here
via FoxyTunes

Oh Well.

Ok. World #1 Justine Henin just announced that she's retiring from tennis, immediately.

"This is the end of a child's dream. This is a definitive decision. Those who know me know it is serious. I thought long about this. I started thinking about it late last year. I was at the end of the road. I leave with my head held high."

I usually pick my favorite female tennis players using a very shallow criteria (from Mary Pierce and Dominique Van Roost to Daniela Hantuchova and Maria Kirilenko) rather than on the number of tournaments they've won. But I became a fan of Justine because of how beautiful her game was, most especially her one-handed backhand. If I had Federer's forehand and Justine's backhand, I'd die happy. I remember how great it was when she won her first French Open title back in 2003 because as she said, it was at that tournament as a ten year-old girl when she told her mother while watching the Graf-Seles final that she'll win it someday too. Her mom died of cancer two years later. She won the French Open eight years after that.

Justine retires from the sport as the #1 ranked player. She will not be defending her French Open crown this year, after having won it for the past three years.




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Now playing: Iron and Wine - Such Great Heights
via FoxyTunes

To Cheap-Ass Time Machines

Sometimes I wonder why I write on this blog. After all, whatever I write here could be held against me no matter how much I protest to it. It could get me in some kind of trouble or another (or at the very least, in a situation filled with a lot of awkward silences.)

And then I read my older posts. The ones I wrote when I was still in college or when I was still new at my job. Back when I thought dropping f-bombs on each sentence would add a nice touch. I read them and it somehow makes my narcissistic ass feel good.

That's why I write on this blog. It gives me easy access to what I once was. To what I used to be like, to what I used to focus on and think about. It talks to me the way not many people can and teaches me things that even fewer can. (I've already mentioned the narcissistic part, right? Add some self-congratulatory ass in their. This is where it kicks in)

To cheap-ass time machines. May your servers always have a back up.

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Now playing: Rachael Yamagata - Worn Me Down
via FoxyTunes

An Extraordinary Machine

Things I learned the past few months (or a few minutes ago):

Worrying is counter-productive. Just because you declared on your resume that you're a person who "works well under pressure" doesn't mean that getting stressed out will automatically turn you into a well-oiled machine. There's still that part of the equation where you have to put actual effort in transforming the stress to something else more positive. Stress is no use if it remains a negative lump of knot in your stomach.

Most everything that rises to the top is the cream of the crop. There are exceptions though. There are times when you find out it's just scum.

Facing the truth is a lot harder if you've managed to build your path by lying through your teeth. Or by making excuses. Lies and truths are pulled out from the same hat.

Anxiety is brought about by stupidity, in a word.

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Just got back from watching Die Hard 4. That was a freaking awesome movie. Great jaw-dropping action and a pack of characters who just wouldn't die (I think Maggie Q is actually still alive at the bottom of that elevator.) Ironically, the villain died after one gunshot. The movie felt like a whole season of 24, minus the intense drama, packed into 2 solid hours of ass-kicking action. Bruce Willis' John McLaine is Jack Bauer with a good heap of humor (or is it Kiefer's Bauer is McLaine minus the wisecracks?)

Too bad it got lost in the Transformers/Harry Potter/SpidermanShrekPirates 3s muddle. Other movies I saw the past month: Transformers (asteeeeeg) and the 5th Harry Potter (Some people were disappointed by it. I actually liked it a lot. I didn't finish reading the book though, so I guess that could be one of the reasons I liked it.)

Finally... The Simpsons is opening this Wednesday! Woohoo! Can't wait! :D

We were dead before the ship even sank.

So what's the cure for anxiety?

It seems like practically everything that's happening these past few days triggers anxious feelings, like I'm constantly on the verge of throwing up while speaking in front of a huge crowd. No, not really. That's an overstatement. It's really just because of this one thing. There are some things that are going right. Really, there's a number of them. But somehow, I just seem to have this uncanny ability to always think about the worst thing that can and will happen, and its negating all the positive energy that I should be having.

Shit.

Since when did deviance become a good thing?

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Back when I was a little younger, I'd use to listen to music to get me out of these slumps. Then I realized... It doesn't really help if you just listen to Jeff Buckley and Radiohead, or whatever Radiohead-like band was popular five years ago. They're not exactly the most cheerful music you'll ever hear, you know?

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Thinking positively, looking at the bright side of things, searching for the silver lining in dark clouds. It's not exactly the easiest thing in the world to do. Someone should make a guidebook, preferably in pdf format, so that I can do quick searches.

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Which brings me to Modest Mouse's latest album. I have it on repeat in my, ehem, ZVM for weeks now. That's how much I love it. Combine Isaac Brock's almost feral, intense singing with quirky melodies and guitar riffs (hey, Johnny Marr of the Smiths!) and you've got yourself an incredibly enjoyable record right there.

What's with today today?

Be a volunteer

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I'm turning 22 tomorrow.

When things are not going as great as you hope, it's always important to put things into perspective. When you see things clearly, you are better equipped to move to any direction you want.

No bridges need to be burned. No walls need to be brought down.

Fuck off assholes. This is my moment of zen.

little tests, why I can't be a motivational speaker, and why Natalie Portman owns my soul.

I need a shirt (white, plain)

I need a pen and paper (not anymore)

I need a drink (a glass of water would suffice)

Last week I was on a team building weekend get-away, and one of the activities we had was to choose 15, from a series of 50something, statements that best describe us. Each of the 50something statements fall under one of six different categories: Acheivement, Autonomy, Influence, Relationship, Security, and Balance. These six categories are actually categories of motivational factors. We chose our 15 statements beforehand. During the event itself, the six categories were revealed to us and we then had to tally how many of our chosen statements fell on each category.

Once the tallying was done, I found out that, according to this little test, my dominant motivational factor is Relationship, as 4 of my fifteen statements were on this category. I would have thought that the category that would win was Influence (who got three, as do Autonomy and Balance), so I was very surprised that Relationship did top the survey.

Why the surprise? Let's see. I have had only one serious non-platonic (after consulting my mental thesaurus because I did not want to use the word "romantic") relationship in the past. I also have none in the present, not even plans. If you asked for the name of my best friend, well, you won't get an answer. I never strike up a conversation with anyone I'm not already friends with(unless I'm drunk, and in that case, I shout at any one that's in front of me). I enjoy doing many different activities while I'm alone (going to the mall, eating, watching the tv). Simply put, on a scale of Yes to No, my rating of how sociable and eager to relate I am to people is No. Not that I'm anti-social (I'm not), or I'm uncomfortable/scared of being with people(I, again, am not)... But relationship as the main motivating factor to my performance at work (let alone life) just does not strike me as accurate.

In fact, I think it's the worst kind of motivational factor, because most of it's power rely on how other people respond to you. You can be the nicest, kindest, most generous person in the world and it still would not matter if you work with people who are plain assholes (not that I work with any), or the situation is just so extreme that you can't stop feeling negative about every little thing. And once you do succeed in making a relationship work, how would it help you then? When things are going shitty, your friends will make you laugh, but it will not increase your job satisfaction. It will not take away the bad policies of your company. It will not set you up for a more lucrative position in the future.

It just doesn't make sense to make relationships your motivation to succeed.

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Maybe it's my lack of relationships that's motivating me to choose relationships as the dominant motivational factor in improving my performance at work (and in life). What a trick. I hate self-evaluation-conducive tests.

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One of the things we did in the short gap between drinking and sleeping was to play spin the bottle. Once we got bored with asking one person a question that they may not want to be asked, we moved on with asking each other questions that we may usually find in a Grade Fiver's slum book. One of the questions asked was "I am happy because _____" (okay, so it's more fill in the blank than answer a question). I answered that I am happy because I am financially-stable. if you were to ask me that again, this time I would say that I am happy because I realize that I don't need to get paid to do my passion.

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Speaking of passion, one issue I'm really passionate about is this policy our company has about not paying its employees any holiday premium for working on a holiday. I deserve a fucking good explanation at least, on why they are not following the labor laws of the Philippines. On why we are being cheated out of what is fairly ours. I don't think the company I work for is going bankrupt anytime soon. Its number 11 in the Fortune 500 list for fuck's sake. Why can't they pay their employees(us) a decent holiday premium for working our asses off on Christmas? On New Year? at 3 in the fucking morning!???!

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I am writing this at 5 in the morning, Dec 23. I was supposed to sleep about 3 hours ago, but as I was about to lie down my bed, I turned the tv to HBO, which was then showing Closer. Which is why I am still awake up to now. Because really, can you actually go to sleep after watching that movie? Wow.

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I'm writing this now, Dec 25 4:25 am. Have a great Christmas Day everyone.

also posted on my Multiply: Bloodsport and Riot

The Short Story and the Long Thought

One thing that sunk on to me recently: my job satisfaction is directly proportional to how well I do tasks. It's not really about the job description, the oppportunities that I get, or (at least for the moment) how much I get paid. It's about how well I do whatever it is that I do. In a sense, the less cleaning up I have to do, the happier I am. While that might be good from a certain standpoint because I can always claim that my hapiness (on the professional level) is solely dependent on my own efforts, a change of view should do a lot of good in assessing my career trajectory. Certainly, it is important to care about how well I do my work and to measure my fulfillment through the fruits of my efforts. However, the other side of the coin says that it's also important to just go back to the basics and think about what the hell I am doing and evaluate THAT.

I'm nearing the Year 1 milestone of my first job, and now I'm realizing that "so far so good" is just not a good enough answer to "How's your job?" anymore. I think now's the time to think hard about where I want to be and how do I take myself there. I haven't done something big and significant in a long while. Now's the time to clean up.