Saturday, May 7, 2005

A shitload that explodes right on your face (or The Reason Why I Need A Sony iPod Shuffle Killer)

I’m losing it.

I used to think that I had good control over my emotions. In the past, I had no trouble setting aside negative personal feelings and fucked up emotions, and that allowed me to keep a cool head, a calm and collected disposition. But now, I don’t know…

Earlier tonight, I met up with some college friends and had dinner with them in Café Metro’s Recipes, GB3 (Great place, great food, General Chicken rules) and enjoyed dessert in our favorite dessert place (guess where.) It was great catching up with them, some of whom I haven’t seen in almost a month; two of them, both Globe subscribers back in college, have just started working for Smart at the start of the week. It had so far been, over-all, a great night (great food, great friends, of course it’s a great night), until it was time to go home (on a Friday night, I know, too early).

I was on my way home, and since I was all alone, I did what I usually do when I’m alone in a public place. I started talking to myself. No – not in a crazy way, but just in my head, just contemplating on recent and not-so-recent events, thinking about shitty things I’ve done, shouldn’t have done, and should do. Basically just talking to the strange voices inside me, sometimes arguing and debating – okay, so it is crazy.

I’m not gonna bore you by telling what exactly it was that I contemplated about (that is, if I haven’t bored you yet as of this lette r.) Besides, it’s way too personal to talk about here. Just pretend that you’re hearing a fake intellectual conversation filled with big highfalutin, pretentious words and stupid, unnecessary interjections and you’re halfway through reading my mind. Easy.

My point is that with the great night I was having, the moment I was alone, things went on a downward spiral. By the time I got home to my place I was feeling a little down and depressed. I think my problem is that I analyze things too much. More importantly, I analyze myself too damn much. It’s like I open a shitload of Pandora’s Box and everything just explodes right in my face, and I can understand why it exploded yet I can’t handle it.

Notice how many ‘I’s there are on this writing?



I don’t think we’re supposed to understand ourselves too well. It makes us go crazy.

10 complaints:

miagurl said...

ako rin ganyan..not necessarily wid d insane conversations inside my head..(hehe) pero like when im with my friends and all that im fine and happy.. but when im all alone, i start thinking about all these things..and i have this way of creating problems for myself.. khit ndi nman ata dpat. i was told pinapahirapan kolang sarili ko..

ewan ko ba!

Anonymous said...

jjay said

you should try meeting and dating women. it helps.

daw.

hellgod said...

yeah j, that for sure would be a great solution.

if it wasn't part of the problem to begin with.

monsterboy said...

pare, easy! gimik na lang....

K8 said...

you are not alone dude...

hellgod said...

yeah kate, we should talk some time... may nabasa ako sa blog mo, kelangan mo yata kaming i-update...

K8 said...

i will...hope to see yah guys this weekend. my bum life will end on sunday so i really have to see u na.

satisfy.me said...

we're not supposed to understand ourselves. it's almost impossible. that's why we need a special someone to do just that. y'know what i mean?^_^

Mela said...

I'm not familiar with April Boy Regino's music. But wouldn't slitting his throat be a bit late when you've already got CDs? I think a better thing to do is STRANGLE the person with the horrible taste in music.

Though yeah, slitting his throat to make him pay for the torture you just went through sounds good as well. :p

Mike Lau said...

gagu pare ganun tlga.. chill lang dude! take things as it is..